


sitting in your bathtub drunk at 3am

by thehistoryofeverything



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alcohol, Drinking, Drinking to Cope, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, POV Second Person, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-07-16 13:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16087244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehistoryofeverything/pseuds/thehistoryofeverything
Summary: A new home gave you the chance to change. That didn’t happen during the day as one would expect, it happened at 3AM, drinking vodka straight from the bottle as you thought about what led you there.





	sitting in your bathtub drunk at 3am

**Author's Note:**

> so uhh, i live in the u.s. where the drinking age is 21 so if anyone asks why it's underage here's why

      Another bad-ish kind of day. A huge wave of homesickness came over and it felt like your roommate didn’t really like you. You were tempted to cry, just hide in your room until everything felt like it went away. You wondered why you stuck with this, why you didn’t just end your lease early, move back to your hometown and start living your old life again. Then you remembered how distant you felt at home. You couldn’t go out to see your friends as often as you wanted to and it made you isolate yourself more than what you did now. 

 

      The closest things that kept your physical company were your pets, but even they knew they had to take breaks from you. You wished so much to bring one with you and keep the others safe with your family, but fate had other ideas. You felt tired, miserable, isolated, everything you thought would dissipate when you moved but instead came with you stronger than before. You wanted to break free of the isolation but have no idea on how to. So, you just stayed in your room, not making any new friends and wandering around your apartment after your roommate leaves to go have fun. Something you wish you could experience with your friends back home before you left.

 

      Your roommate had just left again, going with friends to a party that they knew was around. You laid in bed, thinking about attempting to join them before deciding against it because you didn’t want to feel like a burden on them. It wasn’t until after you heard your front door close that you got up and left your room. Being a adult but not old enough to drink and looking younger than what you were meant that you had to rely on others around you to get any sort of alcohol. It was in your luck, of course, that someone you knew from high school lived in the area and agreed to be your hook-up for it. “ _ Thank god, we shared the same birth month and I helped him out with our other class _ ,” you had thought to yourself, trying to survive this on your own would’ve killed you already. 

 

      You recently asked him if he could grab you some blunts and some alcohol. Jose Cuervo for your roommate, whipped cream vodka for you, and some raspberry smirnoff ice for you both, just to name a few. You grabbed the vodka from the freezer, you first sat down at the table in your small dining room, drinking it straight from the bottle, not caring about the burn in your throat or mixing it with any juice or soda you had around. But then it felt too big, too empty, too lonely for you and everything you felt. You went back to your room and closed the door behind you, you didn’t have to do that but you did anyways out of habit. Your bathroom didn’t have a second doorway to the dining room, something your parents were grateful for because it meant you had privacy, peace and quiet and all you had to do was walk past your closet. You went to the bathroom, part of you had to pee badly from the vodka, the other half wanted to throw up already because you had drank so much in such a short amount of time.

 

      Lucky for you, your body decided not to have you throw up and just have you pee. It felt like everything you did felt slower than what you were most likely actually doing it at. “ _ It’s probably from drinking too much dumbass _ ,” you mumbled to yourself, albeit with more slurring and mispronouncing. You grabbed the bottle from your counter and stumbled over to your bathtub. Stepping into it felt harder than trying to trying to figure out rocket science, but in your drunken state you managed to figure it out enough to cause the least amount of loud banging and bruises for you. You sat down with bottle in between your legs, bringing it up to you whenever your stomach didn’t chur badly enough to make you want to throw up. You kept drinking and drinking and drinking.

 

      At some point, you stopped, maybe due to your body feeling like it was going to shut down from the vodka or because you threw up slightly at one point, hey, at least you made it out of the bathtub for it this time. You rolled the bottle away from you, hearing it clink against the opposite wall. You, on the other hand, slide down the tub until you were looking up at the ceiling, the only thing you could hear around you was your heart beating and the a.c. blowing into the bathroom from time to time. It felt cold but warm, the world felt smaller than before, you felt tired but couldn’t sleep. You left your phone on the ledge of the tub, grabbing it only to check what time it was. 3:02 AM was what your screen read. You let the screen black out before sitting back up to place it on the other side of the tub. 

 

      After it was dropped, you leaned your head on one arm and let your thoughts flow out. You made the choice to move for college even though you were told that it wasn’t a good idea, it wasn’t that your home life was bad but it was starting to feel repeated. Wake up, do something to fill in time, work, come home, play games until you felt tired enough to sleep, etc. You also wanted a new start, too many split ends from a toxic friend that controlled you and tried to make you feel bad for most things you chose for your life. The toxic friend not even remembering when you were moving and trying to make you feel bad for the apartment style you chose and that you should look for a “cheaper” one that was father from campus. Oh how you don’t miss her and the behavior she pulled towards you at the end, only talking to you about her latest drug adventure, constantly saying she’s a bad influence on you because you’re a “pure-hearted angel”, only staying at your house because her parents wouldn’t let her in after she missed her curfew. 

 

      It also hurt you to see your ex and their friends at work. You hated how badly you treated them and talked about them, you loved that they enjoyed what they did and enjoyed listening to them play their music for you and them gushing about the opportunities they had and the latest song they had written for their band. You felt yourself tearing up, thinking about how much you lost and left behind truly made your heart and soul ache for parts of the past. You wished you could redo certain parts of your life, moving on whenever they felt right to your standards, or if it ended with more people happy than miserable. You hated leaving people on bad terms, it left a sour taste in your mouth and made you feel sick anytime you thought about how you reacted to the situations that happened. You wished you could be on friendly terms with them, but they had rightful hate towards you and your behavior.

 

      You don’t remember much of what happened next, it was like a blackout moment except you slightly remember being awake for the most part. You felt yourself crying, longing for the happy parts of your past surrounded by the people you love and care for. Longing for the relationship you enjoyed the most, the friends who felt happier when they saw you happy and not shaky and sad. You chose to move because it felt like you didn’t belong in your town anymore. You don’t know how many people know where you moved to or if they even know. You wish they don’t, no matter how much sadness you put yourself into. You wanted to feel free as a bird and, yet, you felt like one with clipped wings stuck in a too small cage to even attempt to fly in.   

 

      You couldn’t remember when you stopped crying or if you even stopped, your face felt too tingly for you to notice it. You weren’t even drinking anymore and you felt less sober than before. You leaned back in the tub, hoping the coolness of it would help your overheated body and get rid of the high nausea you felt. You let yourself think again. A dangerous thing to do in your state but something you did anyways. You closed your eyes, feeling the numbness fade away and let the thought flow through you.

 

      You thought about the path you took, your choice to leave your hometown with a college nearby for a city you had only seen a handful of times. You thought about your friends, how some of them called you crying the day you left because of how much they missed you already. You thought about your family, your younger sibling calling you thirty times in a row just to hear your voice, also crying because they didn’t want you to leave. You missed your pets. You wanted to see them again, you wondered if they would even remember you as their owner. You thought about taking a bus to go see them again, appearing only for them, then disappearing without anyone else knowing if you were there or not. 

 

      You stayed in the bathtub until you felt sober enough to leave it without problem. The wall was your friend, holding you up so you couldn’t hurt yourself badly. Your bed, a haven for you. You checked your phone again. 12% battery in the top right corner, the time reading 5:04AM. You hooked it up to your charger as best as you could before falling asleep. The street lights shone brightly, giving you a feeling of home before you closed your eyes and let the warmth of sleep caress you.

**Author's Note:**

> i wish i had pink lemonade nd coconut rum


End file.
